Not A Number

Hi friends and welcome to my blog!

Well, one day about two weeks ago, I was at a conference and I noticed this lady. She was extremely overweight... more than me! I couldn't help but feel bad for her, as I know what it's like. I had to step out of the classroom for just a minute, and and then came back in shortly before our class started, and this woman (the same one I was feeling empathy for) approached me with "Excuse me, could I share something with you?" I looked over and she handed me some weight loss information along with her card, and started telling me about this multi-level program she is using and how fabulous it is, etc.

If you could even believe my shock and horror! I know I'm fat, but I don't need a FATTER person telling me I'm FAT!!!!!

I politely took the information, and then turned to my friend with disbelief and a steady stream of tears draining from my eyes. I was so embarassed, hurt, unexpectedly unprepared for something like this to happen, embarassed, horrified, embarassed, and just utterly shocked that I couldn't even explain to my friend sitting next to me what just happened. As soon as I did, being that she is a Therapist, she was very capable of and did a fantastic job talking me back to reality from my distant place.

It has been a little more than two weeks since that incident, and during those two weeks, I have relived those short moments MANY, MANY times. I have gone through many ranges of emotion. I have re-evaluated my plan, looked at myself in the mirror differently, become more critical of myself (as if I wasn't critical ENOUGH of myself to begin with), and have realized that the person I see in the mirror each day is NOT representative of who I am.

I have faced myself. I am fat. (Not PHAT... not "if by 'fat' you mean AWESOME... not chubby... not "need to loose a few pounds"... I am actually in the MORBID OBESE category.)

I have examined myself, and decided I needed somewhere to write this - so thank you for being my therapist, friend, counselor, and helping me come face to face with the REAL me... NOT my number!